Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The face of depression

I'm a private person. I don't really share things with other people; not because I dislike or distrust others. I just keep to myself. I guess that's part of being an introvert. So I write this post not to ask for sympathy, or to showcase myself in some strange way, but to reach out to those out there who understand my situation.

I have depression.

Yep, depression. That thing where you feel sad for no apparent reason, or lose interest in things that you used to enjoy, or generally prefer staying home and sleeping than facing the world. It saps you of energy, hounds you with constant negative thoughts and feelings, makes you hyper-critical of yourself, and makes you feel guilty for losing control of your emotions and not being happy and normal like other people.

It sounds lame, doesn't it? That's because it is lame. However, I do feel optimistic about the whole thing. I have an excellent support system, a counselor to help me understand what's going on, and the gospel to anchor me when things get stormy. Although I've had many, many days lately where I'd rather stay in bed than, say, go to school or church or do anything mildly productive, I do have hope that this is something I can work with, and understand better. I certainly don't expect it to just "go away," but I do think that I can still have a semi-normal life while depressed.

If you happen to have depression and understand what it's like, know that you're not alone, and others out there are suffering too.