Saturday, May 28, 2011

i miss video games.

Sometimes, the fact that the majority of my childhood consisted of extensive video gaming comes back to haunt me in the most entertaining ways. I don't think it's very common to think about holding Z then pressing A to do a long jump all the way down the stairs instead of walking down them, or thinking about how I could bust through a wall with a good Falcon Kick aimed just right. For some reason, these thoughts tend to occur to me at completely random times.

But seriously, think how cool it would be if the world worked like it does in video games! First off, no one would be afraid of heights, since usually you could just fall as far as you want without any damage (or even constant acceleration due to gravity). Worst case scenario: you might lose half of your life meter and wobble vertically for a few seconds, but that's okay--just grab a few coins and you're back to full life!

Getting up long flights of stairs would be much easier. You could just wall jump all the way up (although some people are certainly better at that than others). Some people would just be able to hold their breath and fly the whole way up.

Jealous of the athletic abilities of Jimmer? Just inhale him and then swallow, and suddenly you've inherited his abilities! Tired of waiting in traffic? Just grab a feather and you can jump over everyone else (although only the older generation have access to the feather--younger drivers will have to be content with the golden mushroom or some other way of getting ahead). And if your kids are acting up, you can just grab them with your tongue and turn them into eggs for a while!

On the other hand, I guess there would be come drawbacks if life were like a video game. First off, you'd always have to worry about Peppy coming in over the communicator telling you to do a barrel roll when you don't want to, not to mention having to save him and Slippy all the time. But at least Falco would be pretty cool to have around. If you had a girlfriend who happened to be royalty, you would probably spend most of your life trying to rescue her from some creepy turlte/dinosaur/dragon with spikes on his shell, relying mostly on his own stupidity (placing bombs conveniently near where he's waiting to fight you, standing on a bridge that is easily destroyed by the axe he left at the end, or butt-pounding himself through the floor) to defeat him. And if your girlfriend wasn't royalty, she would probably be more likely to hang out in one spot and never move, providing musical instruments, healing powers, "save spots," or some other semi-useful item, but not her love and attention that you really wanted.

Speaking of save spots, I think that might just be the best thing about life being like a video game. Of course, the older generations would be out of luck, but our generation would be able to push themselves beyond their normal comfort zone (or even past their physical limits), then just revert back to their last save spot if things don't work out. Think about how well that would work on midterm exams! Of course, some people would have to go all the way back home each time they started their game, but plenty of people would be able to save whenever and wherever they wanted!

Well, there are plenty of other awesome things that would happen if life were like a video game. I think my favorite would be Pokémon. But in the end, I think things would get pretty chaotic. Not to mention the confusion when some people die multiple times and just reappear at the entrance to the same room they died in. Some people would even be able to loot their own corpses. That would probably be just a little disturbing. Maybe it's better that life isn't like a video game. Sometimes, though, I just really want to throw a vegetable at that annoying kid who asks stupid questions in class.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Hungry like the wolf

For some reason, I couldn't quite think of song lyrics that would go well with this post.

When I was a small child, I had stuffed animal toy unlike any other--it was a purple, pregnant kitty called "Kitty Surprise." There was a velcro opening along her tummy that you could open (to simulate a very intense C-section, I suppose) to reveal several kittens nestled inside. To impregnate her again, all you had to do was put the kittens back inside her fabric womb and close the velcro.

As a 21-year-old, I'm not exactly sure what the point of this toy was. To initiate a conversation about how those little kitties really got there? To relive the miracle of birth over, and over, and over again? To play "Surprise Surprise," where the mommy kitty actually gives birth to...puppies? Dad's car keys? A sock? Pokemon?

Anyway, Happy Mothers' Day, all. Here are some pictures.

Who wouldn't want one?

The miracle of...birth?

Friday, May 6, 2011

I'm wide awake, it's the middle of the night...

My Spanish class forces me to do cultural activities every now and then, to help me become a more well-rounded person, I guess. Jordan and I decided to go to El Salvador Restaurante yesterday, because they apparently had a legendary food I needed to try, and I figured, Hey! Food=culture. Good plan!

So we went to this little hole-in-the-wall restaurant, and man. The atmosphere was sweet. Half the tables were legit booths, and the other half were the kind of cheap white tables you put on your patio.There were El Salvadorian decorations plastering the walls, in a weird-but-charming way, and the owner's kid/nephew/cousin was sitting in the corner, wearing an apron and coloring.

We ordered our food from a woman who spoke rapid-fire Spanish. I mostly understood what she was saying, and gave really good two- to three-word answers to her questions. All the while, I questioned myself: Was anything I learned in Spanish real? Do I sound like a total and complete idiot right now? Is anything I'm saying coherent or remotely grammatically correct, or am I just stringing together unrelated words in an unforgivable Spanish accent?

Apparently we did all right, because our food got to us, and I was so excited to devour it. We order "pupusas," which is Spanish for "a corn tortilla injected with the most delicious cheese, meat, and vegetables you've ever had in your mouth before." It also came with this shredded cabbage stuff that had sauce. It was a lot better than it sounds.

After our happy mealtime, we got home, and within a half hour, my stomach said, "Dria. You made a bad choice today." And it proceeded to violently surrender its contents.

I suppose this means I had food poisoning. I was, in fact, food poisoned. Can you say it like that? Should it be hyphenated? I've never really understood what the term means. When people say, "Dude, yesterday sucked. I got food poisoning," do they really mean, "Yesterday I went to a shady 'authentic' restaurant and had the most amazing food ever, which I later threw up and now I never want to think about that place again, ever"?

Perhaps I'll never know what that phrase means, or if I was finally able to be an unwilling participant. I do know that I deserve extra credit on that Spanish assignment.