Monday, April 23, 2012

"The Facebook" and old people part one: The fact that you call it that tells me you're not ready.

We all know that old people have trouble with any device that plugs into a wall, needs batteries, or has the letter i in front of it. But the place we notice it more than usual is on Facebook.


They presumably join for the same reasons that we do--to keep in touch with friends they've only met once and family they've never met, broadcast intimate details of their lives, and post cat videos. But while we young people are aware of the awkward, uncomfortable, weird and terrible things that Facebook seems to magnetically attract, old people simply do not. Thus, Facebook is a treasure trove of awkward old-person moments.

The first mistake many of the elderly make on Facebook is misunderstanding well-known text speak. This is a tricky problem because old people LOVE text speak; it makes them feel so hip. Poor dears. They often believe that common acronyms stand for the exact opposite of what they mean. For example, many old people believe that lol stands for "lots of love." It generally doesn't go well for them.

You have to at least commend them for trying.

Old people are particularly prone to sharing the sparkly pink spam of the social network world: tired old copy-n-paste messages that no one likes to read, which are always ridiculously cheesy or nonsensical. The sad truth is that they have latched on to an archaic email gimmick which should be left back in 2003 with other silly email fads.
They also seem fond of posting those cutesy, emotionally manipulative stories that belong back in your Yahoo inbox.
For some reason, teenage girls are pretty fond of those too.

Another misdemeanor old people commit on Facebook is taking everything seriously. EVERYTHING. For some reason, they don't recognize that people of younger generations enjoy sarcasm, irony, and quoting obscure songs.

I think they may actually be better off living in blissful ignorance of things like brain-killing music videos.

And of course, there's the subtle but ever-present mistake old people make on Facebook: revealing their confusion about Facebook... on Facebook.

Check back soon for more on Facebook and old people!

NOTE: All Facebook statuses and such were created by me. Any resemblance to the stuff your grandma puts on Facebook is coincidental, but kind of awesome.


Daniel and Jenn said...

I think this is appropriate:

Andria said...

Jenn... I think that's the best thing I've ever seen.

Lisa said...

Your final comment reminded me of this:

PS: This is Lisa of Court & Lisa