Saturday, April 7, 2012

The trouble with hugging

There are a lot of troubles with hugging.
When someone wants to give you a brief friendly upright cuddle, it's difficult to know exactly how they want to do it. Your arms up and theirs down? Their arms up and yours down? One arm up and one arm down each? 
Some people are abnormal and try to whip out one of those obscure, vaguely advanced hugging techniques. 


While these are all charmingly awkward, they are nothing compared to that most awkward hugging task: hugging a woman.

Women, you see, have anatomy. Bosoms, specifically. You have to be very careful navigating those waters.
Men only really have to worry about height differences here. If you're short and she's tall, your face might end up in an uncomfortable place. Socially speaking. I'm sure it's actually very comfortable.
But women have an added problem: if the two of you are the same size, your bosoms touch theirs. I don't know about you, but bosoms touching other bosoms feels... weird. It's too many squishy things being squished together.

The only way I know how to avoid these predicaments is to simply make sure your head is turned. If your face is at bosom-level, well, at least you won't look like a creepy weirdo. And if your bosoms are touching theirs, at least you aren't looking into each others' eyes.

... Let's never speak of this topic again.

3 comments:

alisha t bishop said...

Andria, you're hillarious. Thank you for addressing this very socially awkward but ever-present issue.

Andria said...

I felt that I should raise awareness. :)

Amy said...

This made me laugh out loud in front of my computer like some kind of dork with no real life or friends. Ahahaha! Hahaha!