I have since come to learn that I wasn't just a strange child who didn't care about school. I have ADD.
I recognized my problem the first time I saw the list of symptoms. High on the list were forgetting what I was doing, fidgeting a lot, getting easily distracted, and walking away while people are talking to you.
When I finally got diagnosed and started treatment, my focus improved drastically.
On the other hand, even after trying several medications, I still struggle with the side effects. The medicine that I'm currently using, although so far the best option I've tried, gives me one of the worst possible side effects a busy premed could have right now: anxiety.
Within a half hour after taking my morning pill, I start to feel like my life is going to transform into a whirlwind of chaos and destruction if I don't do everything exactly right every second.
Sometimes I feel this deep sense of dread, like something fatally terrible is about to happen.
Usually, I manage to convince myself that everything is going to be okay, and I can handle my anxiety.
Some days, however, my anxiety becomes so unbearable that I drown completely. A tidal wave of nervousness breaks over me and washes away, leaving an empty void of apathy in its wake.
On these days, I begin to understand how Dria feels. Nothing is exciting anymore. I don't feel like being productive, but I can't even stand the thought of wasting time with temporary diversions that would help relieve stress in normal situations.
I get irritable, cynical, obstinate, and passive-aggressive. I hate everyone (even though I know I really don't).
Today has been one of those days. Fortunately, listening to fun. and drawing these silly pictures has helped my mood a bit. I think I'm gonna try a different medicine, though.
1 comment:
Jordan - I don't know you - but I love this. I also don't believe you have brain problems. I think you just have a brain that's more creative than most peoples' are. Painful as it is, that's such a gift.
My brother has high-functioning ADHD. One one hand I am constantly in awe both at what he puts up with, and what an incredible intelligent and strong person it has made him become. On the other - am constantly at awe in how intelligent he is - he is super more capable of multi-tasking than I could ever be - and he can think through problems that I don't even dare tackle.
I knew Dria had to have found someone awesome.
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