Wednesday, February 1, 2012

one of us won't last the night

Sometimes, I feel like preparing for med school is like the most epic ninja battle ever experienced. I probably only feel like that because I've been watching so much Naruto, but the point is that every day is a battle between my sanity and finishing everything I have to do for school, research, MCAT prep, service, etc. Historically, I've dealt with this battle by procrastinating and ignoring the important stuff when it gets too stressful, and somehow that worked out for me. This semester, however, I have decided that if I really want to be a doctor, I need to get my but in gear and not procrastinate anymore!

On Monday, I worked my butt off--I did reading assignments for almost every single class this semester, including some reading that isn't due for several weeks. I watched 2 online MCAT prep course lectures and I can't even remember what else. Right before my 4pm class, however, I crashed. I was studying for our phonetics quiz, and I felt the most uncontrollable anxiety well up in my body, spreading out until it began to take over my mind like some sort of poisonous narcotic. I tried to focus on my studying, but all I could think was that I was going to fail at everything I could ever do that day.

So I watched Naruto for the last 8 minutes before class. I felt awkward watching anime in front of the whole class (since I was sitting on the front row), but it was all I could do to keep my sanity intact. Those 8 minutes probably saved my life (and maybe the lives of my poor classmates who would have been innocent victims of my mental breakdown). The quiz ended up being super easy (although I did make some really stupid mistakes on it), and I was able to get back to work when I got home from class that night, having some great experiences with my home teaching visits and finishing the day satisfied and content.

Tuesday was a similar experience, but I caught myself earlier on and took a break from studying until I felt ready to get back to it. So I guess I'm getting used to balancing my sanity and my assignments/studies, but I guess I'm just going to have to battle every day until the MCAT is over.

Wish me luck!

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