Monday, December 3, 2012

Everybody writes a self-serving reflection post in December. I'm just beating everybody to it.

We went to the Christmas devotional yesterday.

Proof that I go out in public sometimes. In real clothes, not pajamas.

It was fun. I liked that it was short, and I also liked that it wasn't boring. It also helps that I love Presidents Monson, Eyring, and Uchtdorf so much. I wish they could all be my grandpas.

Also, Sunday School yesterday was great because I didn't go. Heh. Instead, I sat in the gym and talked to my friend, Eniss. I consider her my other mom. She's the nicest, least judgmental, most beautiful person I've ever met. Every time I talk to her I leave feeling a little bit better and more hopeful about life.

So. This has been the weirdest year ever. I feel like I've simultaneously been doing nothing and everything. I probably attended 30% of my required classes last semester, but I've never put so much effort into getting passing grades for graduation. I still feel a mixture of pride and shame when I think of last semester. I did it. I graduated, with everything stacked against me. But school has never been hard for me. Ever. My GPA last semester is just... embarrassing.

Sometimes I feel like all I do is watch tv, but other times I feel like I'm learning the most freakin amazing things in the entire world (usually not from tv, but I do watch smart things sometimes). I'm starving for knowledge. I want to know everything.

And my Church attendance? So spotty, so unreliable, it's unreal. But I've never been more interested in the gospel, studied it with more attention, prayed harder, or searched with such intensity for answers.

And for some reason, I've suddenly decided this year to be super open with people about my incredibly personal experiences and my opinions on incredibly controversial things. 17-year-old Andria would probably have had a panic attack about that. But 23-year-old Andria feels pretty good about it.

So I guess this means I'm... growing up? Is this what growing up feels like?


riss said...

Irrelevant quote:

I'm in pain!! I think this is what pain feels like!!! Augh, someone maternal!

Andria said...

Oh, Karissa. You always know just what to say.

Jordan Bobo said...

Hahahah that's exactly what I thought of, Karissa!

Meg N. said...

I identify so much with this post--especially the struggling with grades (because of depression) when I didn't before. Best wishes for the future.

Andria said...

Thanks, Megan <3