Blanket

"Hey Jordan, I'm cold. Wanna get me a blanket?"

"Okay!" [Disappears into the bedroom and then reappears]

"Here you go!"

[Blank stare] "Jordan, I'd expect a 5-year-old to bring out the comforter with the sheets.... Okay, I'd expect it from you, too."

The face of depression

I'm a private person. I don't really share things with other people; not because I dislike or distrust others. I just keep to myself. I guess that's part of being an introvert. So I write this post not to ask for sympathy, or to showcase myself in some strange way, but to reach out to those out there who understand my situation.

I have depression.

Yep, depression. That thing where you feel sad for no apparent reason, or lose interest in things that you used to enjoy, or generally prefer staying home and sleeping than facing the world. It saps you of energy, hounds you with constant negative thoughts and feelings, makes you hyper-critical of yourself, and makes you feel guilty for losing control of your emotions and not being happy and normal like other people.

It sounds lame, doesn't it? That's because it is lame. However, I do feel optimistic about the whole thing. I have an excellent support system, a counselor to help me understand what's going on, and the gospel to anchor me when things get stormy. Although I've had many, many days lately where I'd rather stay in bed than, say, go to school or church or do anything mildly productive, I do have hope that this is something I can work with, and understand better. I certainly don't expect it to just "go away," but I do think that I can still have a semi-normal life while depressed.

If you happen to have depression and understand what it's like, know that you're not alone, and others out there are suffering too.

#mormonism #christianity

I don't know if you've seen this or other similar videos making the interwebs rounds, but there seems to be some confusion and misperceptions about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also called the Mormon Church. Seeing as I am a Mormon and have an opinion about this, let me just make it clear: We do believe in Jesus Christ, and we most certainly consider ourselves Christians. In fact, Christ is the center of our religion.

I could go into more detail on this, but I understand that, well, most of you reading this probably share similar religious persuasions, and those of you who don't would probably prefer to do your own research. If you are interested in learning more specifics, please visit mormon.org, which gives really great information on what we believe.

Also, I very much appreciate the respectful attitude most news reporters and politicians have shown regarding our faith. I find that very commendable.

Help thou mine unbelief

I've been thinking a lot about faith lately. When it comes to the gospel, I really appreciate practicality. As great as it is to have a testimony of a certain principle, I feel like it can't change us very much until we do something about it, and I suspect that many people feel the same way.

So when it comes to the principle of faith, I find myself a little stumped at times. I know what it is. It's the "substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). I know that it's important and that we need it. But what am I supposed to do about it? What does it mean to have faith or exercise faith?

There's a man in our ward who, over a year ago, was diagnosed with cancer, and was told he had only months to live. Despite this grim prediction, his family went ahead with treatment, while our ward prayed for him in meetings and privately at home. They have spent days and weeks and months doing test after test and treatment after treatment. I can't even fathom what that was like for them. But they trusted in the Lord, and they continued to do good even through this hard time (he was in the bishopric), and today, every trace of cancer is gone. The doctors are amazed, and so am I.

I know it's a simple example. I also know that there's no way that I can sum up what faith is or how it works. I really think that faith can mean a lot of things. Maybe it means that you keep doing what God has asked of you, even though things are hard. Maybe it's about choosing to be positive instead of being overcome by discouragement. Maybe it's even about overcoming your fears step by step, trusting that the Lord will be with you the whole way. Maybe it's trusting that one day, the Lord will make everything right.

P.S. This post isn't meant to be melancholy; more musing. Also, I found this talk on faith, and I thought it was a pretty good read.